| Sunday, September 14th, 2003 |
| 9:20 pm |
real life problems. Not drama...
My life has fallen in the deep end again. I’m tired of swimming... and I’m about to drown. S.O.S. For the last year ever since Greg and I broke up I have done some crazy shit. Things I could never post live. |
| Thursday, August 28th, 2003 |
| 1:50 pm |
My doggie is sick.
damn it. my doggie is sick. what else could go wrong. I feel like crying hysterically while blasting wumpscut in my basement apartment. maybe I should jump in front of a moving suv full of wealthy yuppie children... give them something to talk about in their yuppie adult life. my neighbors would probably appreciate the latter. fuck my neighbors... Current Mood:  depressedCurrent Music: Wumpscut (blood child) disc 2 |
| 11:24 am |
Help!
Fuck! I need medication and I need new eye glasses! The Oregon health plan is a joke! Guess what you get nothing a bid fat Zero. After begging for help you get none! all that time wasted. I tried to see a doctor with cash and they told me you need to have insurance. They don’t take cash! Problem is nobody takes OHP health insurance. What the fuck! Capitalist pigs! I so hate the game... they wonder why people self medicate! duh! I need to find some terrible job just so I can get my shit fixed. I went to apply for a job at a temp agency and they told me I need a resume. Apparently you need to have a resume these days to shovel shit! They said because so many people are out of work that you need a resume even for a dish washing job or a shoveling shit job! I told the temp agency to eat a dick! |
| Sunday, August 24th, 2003 |
| 4:06 pm |
Me at Das Beach yesterday.
 Me at Das Beach yesterday! that was funny shit yesterday! I am paying for it today... I want pics of the boys pissing on the sand castle. |
| 2:34 pm |
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| Friday, August 22nd, 2003 |
| 3:39 am |
PESSIMISM OF THE DAY
Whenever
you want to
marry someone,
go have lunch
with his
ex-wife.
-Shelley Winters
Current Mood:  awake |
| Monday, August 11th, 2003 |
| 6:34 pm |
feeling terrible.
Some ass mother fucking hole in my apartment building is stealing from me. I left a couple of boxes of things outside my door in my building. I went to walk my dog came back and they were gone. Someone is watching me and they know what I do. They also took my vintage clothes out of the dryer in the laundry room! I am so pissed. They also tried to break in my apartment door. I called the Police. Like that will do any good. I am so fucking depressed. This dumb ass junkie lives in my building but I can't prove it's him but I know it is... I made sure he saw the police come. Now he will kill me. I dare him to try and break in while I'm home. That bastard will get a bullet in him for stealing from me. Fuck! How wonderful is life? how wonderful is it? tell me. I love when people tell me how great everything is for them. It makes me feel so great. I am so happy for everybody that is happy. Good for them. Good for fucking delusional optimism. I guess they must have a loving family, money, luck, or some kind of faith. I wish I had just one of those things... I particularly love people who drive SUVS that inherited all their money. I love them. I also love the rich who have never worked and who don't have any animals in their lives, houses, homes, vacation homes or city condos because they might get an animal hair on them or their clothes or furniture. Why don't we kill all the animals for them so they can lavish in their own disgusting stupidity. I hate people who don't like animals. I can forgive most people for most things but animal haters I will never like. I can seriously say I hate those people. I wish I could stop crying. I can’t! I feel like I have been slugged in my stomach and in my heart and I can’t cope and I can’t do anything... My mind and body are in so much pain and I can’t get help and nothing is helping me. Wherever you are mother thank you! you have made me suffer my whole life. I hope it makes you happy! You born again injurious bitch. Yes, I am bitter. It is valid. Life is not fair and why should I be happy about it. But it is time to go play with my dog, because I care about him and he is licking me because I am sad... Peace. |
| 6:24 pm |
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| 6:18 pm |
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| Saturday, July 19th, 2003 |
| 6:36 pm |
some white trash roots
I got in touch with some white trash roots today and went to the Sandy river. Got some sun. I used plenty of sunscreen so that it would not ruin my image or my skin. I have been wanting to do some outdoors stuff this year and my friend was feeling the same so she and I went to the Sandy River. Not much eye candy but it felt great. The water was warm. Caitlynn and I are going again tomorrow with and whoever else we can drag out there including the dogs... I think I am going to Flux tonight but don’t know if I want to drink. I still have a headache from last night. Caitlynn and I went out last night. We only drank beer and wine. I didn’t get drunk but still managed to get a hangover. A picture of my friends Caitlynn & Marn:  |
| Friday, July 18th, 2003 |
| 4:47 pm |
a real job drumming
A picture of Johnny. One of the most real and flaky people I know besides myself! I will miss you Johnny. I’m glad you got a real job drumming again. I hope California is good and hope the band is doing well. You will be missed. --Sabrina & Lodge doggy. Johnny:  |
| 4:41 pm |
PESSIMISM of the day
Love is a fire.
But whether it is going to
warm your hearth or burn down your house,
you can never tell.
-Joan Crawford (1906-1977)
|
| Thursday, July 17th, 2003 |
| 6:10 pm |
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| Wednesday, July 16th, 2003 |
| 11:11 pm |
staying home tonight.
I'm not going out tonight. Nope! I am staying in with my terrified of people abused greyhound and we're having snackies together. I’m gonna read him a doggy story. Do doggy things with him. Maybe he will let me share his bone with him. He is really good about sharing. I just took a bath and washed my hair with shampoo only. I figure I can go longer without bathing if I just use shampoo and not conditioner. Conditioner tends to make my hair greasier faster thus making me need to shower more than once a week. lol. signed, the low maintenance girl |
| 5:54 pm |
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| 4:33 pm |
I did it again
Also the woman that was speeding and trying to overtake me in the Safeway parking lot collision the other day now tells my insurance company that she has a witness in her favor of what happened. Funny, when the cop asked us if there were any witnesses we both said no. There was nobody around and nobody came forward. Now all of the sudden she comes up with a witness. Fucking bitch! Lying bitch and I bet she found some friend to lie! Her and her fake witness are gonna prevail! I just know it. If I thought I was guilty I would be the first to admit it cause I’m that way. I have no religion but I have morals. Fuck! I am to embarrassed to go to Embers for awhile. I need to keep a low profile there. I got way to drunk last Wednesday and some really nice girl took care of me in my puking and sick stage. Whoever that girl is I need to find out and thank her. I can’t believe I did that again. I am so mad at myself. I remember I wanted to dance so bad but I just couldn’t. How embarrassing! I thank all that were not at Embers to see that. Not many regulars were there that night. NO MORE HARD ALCOHOL! Current Mood:  annoyedCurrent Music: Front Line Assembly (Implode) |
| 3:37 pm |
PESSIMISM OF THE DAY
Do not trust to the cheering,
for those very persons
would shout as much if you
and I were being hanged.
-Oliver Cromwell (1599-1658)
|
| Tuesday, July 15th, 2003 |
| 1:12 pm |
I am sick of everything.
I gotta watch my drinking. I puked so hard last week that I woke up with a horrible sore throat. My shirt was covered with puke smell. A friend bought me several of these drinks that taste like Dr. Pepper. She called me the next morning wondering if I was still alive and asked me if we should go for the hair of the dog thing and I felt like shit so it couldn't have hurt. I was dying anyway. We went and had a couple of beers met up with some more alcohol problematic friends and the whole damn thing started all over again. I only drank beer the second night though. I hate my life. Everything bad is happening to me and seems like it always has. I hate the world. But I am afraid to die. I am hoping that someday I just won't wake up. Not my luck though... I'm sure I will puke blood and feel my heart and brain explode. I can't wait. Staying sober does not fix my problems it just makes me more aware of how bad things are and that they are not going to get any better. Did I mention I hate cars. I drive but hate it. The job I have requires it. Some lady with a newer VW bug tried to race around me as I was backing up to leave the Safeway parking lot. Her fault but it was in a parking lot so I am sure my insurance will go up. I over heard this guy talking in a coffee shop the other day about how DMV tells poor hardly making it people like myself that driving is a privilege. You know what I say, so is eating for some. You know what else is a privilege having a state job a regular paycheck and benefits. But there aint enough of those jobs to go around now is there. I thought about getting a bike but I won't ride a bike cause those bicyclists are fuckers too! I like the way people who ride bikes pull out in front of moving vehicles without looking. A friend that rides his yuppie wanna be ass on his yuppie bike tells me stories about cars trying to hit him, fights he has been in because of it etc. I love those bicyclists that ride down the middle of the street going about 5 miles an hour as if we live in Japan or something... Bike riding is a great idea if everyone uses it as transportation but that aint gonna happen in this materialistic capitalistic society. To I think things are changing though. SARS or some other virus or something is goning to get us for our bad earth karma. The human germ is really getting to me. We need more people on earth! PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO TAKE YOUR BIRTH CONTROL PEOPLE. I want to also mention that in all of my negativity that I do have sympathy, empathy, compassion and emotional identification for anyone suffering in this world. Even if you ride a bike! signed, the cynical sarcastic miserable bitter unhappy bitch with a big black ugly cloud. |
| 12:22 pm |
PESSIMISM OF THE DAY
It is a misery to be born, a pain to live,
a trouble to die.
-St.Bernard of Clairvaux (1090-1153)
|
| Monday, July 14th, 2003 |
| 5:57 pm |
PESSIMISM OF THE DAY
Happiness
is having
a large, loving,
caring,
close-knit family
in another city.
-George Burns (1896-1996)
|
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babydoll9mm's journal
